Slushies Take Priority

Triton Cuts Reach Program Funding For New Slushy Bar



Just a few of Triton’s New Slushy Flavors

Triton Administration has made a unanimous decision to cut off the Reach Program in order to fund a new state-of-the-art slushy bar.

With the recent success of the latent slushy machines found in the lunch line, the school has decided that it would be best to maximize profits made off the cool drinks. The new bar will provide students with dozens of flavors to choose from in an attempt to improve the schools financial situation.

“It’s hard to ignore the financial success of the slushy machines, profits have been through the roof. There comes a point where you have to make an executive decision, and do what’s best for the majority of the Triton populace,” said Vice Principal Scott Brennan.

This was undoubtedly a very difficult decision made by faculty members, but when it comes down to it, Triton needs money. It is admirable that administration had the guts to pull the trigger on such a bold change in Triton.

“This was a horrible idea,” stated Jorge Casteneda. “I seriously don’t know what they were thinking. Somebody better get fired over this.”

Despite the apparent immorality of administration’s decision, it is hard to deny the financial upside of the slushies. Those affected by the cancelling of the Reach Program will be compensated with a years worth of free slushies from the bar.