For close to three years, the threat of the Mueller report has loomed over the head of the Trump administration. But after all that anticipation, it has finally come to light that it was in fact Jeb Bush, not Donald Trump, that conspired with the Kremlin to win the presidential election in 2016.

“I didn’t even know that I was being investigated,” says Bush, who spoke with reporters after the news broke yesterday morning. “I was just talking to Donald (Trump) and we talked about how funny it was that we had both colluded with Russia in the same election. Turns out the guy is actually an informant for the FBI and has been wearing a wire the whole time!”

It is now being alleged that Bush began conspiring with Vladimir Putin starting in 2015, and that he had arranged a deal to garner 35 million votes in the presidential election. These votes never saw the light of day however as it appears Bush forgot, he had to win the primary election first.

“I’m appalled and ashamed,” says the 43rd President of the United States and golden child in the family, Jeb’s older brother, George W. Bush. “I’m not sure what little Jebby was thinking with this whole conspiracy thing. I mean, if you’re gonna do it, at least do it well! When I fixed my first election I… wait… you aren’t still recording are you? Well, damn.”

Strangely enough, it appears that it was still Donald Trump Jr. who served as liaison between the Bush and Putin, for reasons that have not yet become clear. Don Jr. has declined to comment on the report.

Jeb Bush is charged with multiple cases of collusion and conspiracy and is expected to appear before Congress within the week.