April first edition:)

Celtics Owner Bill Chisholm Buys Triton

New Sporting Events Established

Adam White and Beckham Zizza • April 1, 2025

Senior Adam White readies for a slam on Mr. Silver Fox

Bill Chisholm, the new owner of the Boston Celtics, has recently purchased Triton as part of his newest business venture.

His first order of business is to create new sporting events in order to create friendly competition between the youth and the elderly.

“Those oldies have been walking all over us for too long,” said Chisholm.

Old people at Triton have unarguably been lazy, lackadaisical, and overall sloppy. The introduction of pickleball as a division 1 sport will be sure to whip those senior citizens into shape. Triton substitute Silver Fox shares his personal struggles as he acclimates himself to the sport.

“These kids aren’t human, I saw one float in the air during a ritual before the match, there’s definitely some dark magic going on here,” Said Fox.

85 Triton students have already signed up for pickleball in a mad dash to put the hurt on the mature. Senior and former Baseball captain Connor Rumph shares his thoughts on the sport.

“Yowzers!!! I can’t believe a small guy like me could find a sport that fits me so well,”said Rumph.

The obvious joint strength gap between the old and the young left the ancient wanting more. How can they compete in their old age against Triton’s greatest athletes? These individuals took their concerns to Triton’s new owner. Although Chisholm is widely known for his strange, unexplainable vendetta against older folk, he wanted competition to be fair. after a lengthy discussion between the two parties, all he had to say was:

“I wanna see these dinosaurs move,” Said Chisholm.

This left the newly upgraded technology department headed by Mr. Matthew Guerin and Mrs. Kathy Norton to solve the problem, their solution; mechanically enhanced old-timers. using technology from NASA, the team assembled a plan to give these geezers an edge through technological super-suits. Silver Fox, now armed with the latest tech, feels like the competition is finally on an even playing field, allowing for his true skills to shine through.

“yeah, none of you youngins wanna run my fade now!” Fox shouted in his recent outing to opponent Nick Bonasera, Who cried as his little muscles couldn’t keep up with the cybernetic codger.

Triton sports have been revolutionized, the first ever pairing of old-farts and adolescents, the question is, are you ready to rumble?

About the Contributors

Adam White, Staff Writer & Sports Editor

My name is Adam White, I’m a senior at Triton High School. The three main things I enjoy outside of school are music, cars, and working. What I like about journalism is researching and getting to know a topic deeper. I have to do this to write a complete article and it’s fun to find out things you wouldn’t have normally stumbled across. I like to write articles reviewing things that I like, such as movies and music. I don’t really have a goal in mind, but I’m really enjoying the process of creating and publishing articles. I think being a journalist is important because it forces you to remove your bias and see a story for it only being fact rather than your opinion. This is important for communities as they also need to see a story for its facts before they can form their own opinions. What I plan to do in life for work is some form of mechanical engineering working on cars as they have been a passion of mine since I was little. Outside of work, I would like to also have a career in music.

Beckham Zizza, Staff Writer & Sports Editor

Hello I’m Beckham Zizza and I’m a senior at Triton High School. I like to go out with friends and have fun. I play baseball throughout the whole year, and I also work at a restaurant called “Off The Vine.” I have one brother who is a sophomore at Masconomet High School. I like the freedom part of journalism. I like being able to come up with my own ideas of things to write about. My favorite things to write about are sports-related and I hope to get a lot of coverage for them in the school newspaper. I think being a journalist is important because I think that the more people we have updating the students here, the better. Later in life, I want to have a career in something sports-related and to have flexible hours enough to be able to coach.

Comments (0)

To All Those Making Comments: Please remember that this is a STUDENT publication. All commentary should be made with idea in mind that the school newspaper is FIRST an educational tool. Those making comments that are offensive or inappropriate, as deemed by the site administrator, will be removed.

Share your thoughts...

All Triton Voice Picks Reader Picks Sort: Newest