Stepping into Garlic Breath’s Pizza Parlor feels like stepping back into the ‘90s—checkered floors, vintage arcade games, and the smell of freshly baked pizza in the air. It’s the kind of spot that invites you to unwind and share a freshly baked pie with friends, making it perfect for our review. We’re comparing our ratings against David Portnoy’s well-known Barstool Pizza Reviews, starting with Garlic Breath and Monte’s. Can our tastes match up to his legendary ratings?

Review 1: Garlic Breath’s Pizza 

• Location: North Andover, MA
• Product: Large Cheese Pizza
• Cost: $18
• Portnoy’s Rating: 8.1/10
• Mace’s Rating: 7.7/10

Jackson Mace describes the pizza here as a solid choice for thin-crust enthusiasts. Its crispy, thin crust holds up well under a generous layer of cheese, with dough and sauce that are both made from scratch in the parlor. The taste earned a respectable 7.7/10, though it leans heavily on cheese without much additional flair in flavor.

The atmosphere is small and tidy, complete with nostalgic ‘90s decor. Mostly geared toward takeout, it has limited seating, but the staff is attentive. We waited about 25 minutes for our pizza, and while the seating was nice for a quick sit down, this spot is best enjoyed when you’re taking a pie home to share.

Portnoy’s Opinion on Garlic Breath 

Portnoy enjoys this pizza, giving them an “ 8.1 monster score” he loves how the pizza has a solid undercarriage. “These guys have nailed my style” “Crunchy, Good crisp, sauce maybe the only thing, a little more flavor on the sauce.” “one of the top places in Massachusetts.” 

Review 2: Monte’s Pizza

• Location: Lynn, MA
• Product: Large Cheese Pizza
• Cost: $10
• Portnoy’s Rating: 10/10
• Navaroli’s Rating: 9/10

Monte’s Pizza is a personal favorite of mine, having gone as a family tradition. David gave it a rare 10/10, and while I typically avoid thin-crust pizza, Monte’s completely changed my perspective. The taste is unmatched with a perfect thin crust, not overly crispy nor doughy. The cheese is balanced, neither too thick nor spare, and every slice is a true testament to their private recipe, which dates back to the original owner, Pete, who brought this recipe to Lynn. I gave it a 9/10, not out of bias but due to Monte’s mastery of thin-crust pizza.

As for the atmosphere, Monte’s is a family-friendly, traditional Italian eatery. The restaurant encourages a social, laid-back experience, ideal for families or friends. We waited about 20 minutes for our pizza, which allowed for conversations and a comfortable social setting. Regulars know each other, and the staff are incredibly friendly—they even connected with my dad, who grew up in the area. Occasionally, local musicians play for the diner, adding to the hometown vibe and reinforcing Monte’s as a community staple.

Portnoy’s Opinion

Although there’s known to be some hometown bias in Dave Portnoy’s reviews—him being a Swampscott local—he endorses Monte’s with full enthusiasm. “I recommend you get to Monte’s in Lynn,’ he declares, ‘as the pizza expert, the champ of pizza, the king of pizza, the man who tastes pizza for a living. Team pizza or die, Monte’s is a 10.”  Portnoy goes on to praise Monte’s for “the sauce, the crisp, the texture,” claiming, “This is the best pizza I’ve had during my reviews.”

Final Thoughts: Garlic Breath

I thought Garlic Breath’s pizza was good, but there were better places around that are much closer and affordable. The thin-crust style of pizza isn’t my favorite and would only recommend you take the trip to Garlic Breath if you are a thin-crust lover, like Portnoy. I liked the decor they had inside the restaurant and would be willing to go back if I were close by. Portnoy rated this high because it‘s everything he likes  “These guys have nailed my style”. 

Final Thoughts: Monte’s  

Portnoy’s Barstool reviews are known for being detailed and brutally honest, and his 10/10 for Monte’s certainly holds weight. While his preference for thin-crust pizzas does play a role in his ratings, I was surprised at how much I enjoyed Monte’s pizza despite typically preferring thicker crusts. Portnoy’s rating system seems solid—he highlights specific qualities that make a pizza stand out, but personal tastes and experiences will always be selective.

In this test, Portnoy’s reputation holds. I left Monte fully satisfied, with only one thought: I’ll be back.