The average American does not eat enough fruit.

With this lack of produce intake, the average person puts themselves at risk for chronic illnesses including diabetes and heart disease. The CDC suggests, depending on your age and gender, that 1.5-2 cups of fruit should be eaten in a given day to uphold a healthy eating regimen. In some rare cases, people have gone on record to admit that they do not eat fruit at ALL. In even more rare cases, that person is me.

From what I am told, I used to be a fruit enjoyer. In my youth, I was up there with the biggest fruit eaters around, but in more recent times I cannot remember the last time I even attempted to indulge in the juicy goods. When asked where the switch happened, my mother Stacy Neary, had this to say.

“You were young (when you began eating fruit), I think as soon as you started eating solid foods. Probably a year old, once you really started, like, eating solid food.”

With this information, we can assume that my body has been fruitless for roughly 16 years. According to Seung Hee Lee Kwan, Ph.D., of CDC’s Division of Nutrition, Physical Activity and Obesity, this fruitless journey may have had effects on my body that are less than pleasant.

“Very few Americans eat the recommended amount of fruits and vegetables every day,” wrote Lee Kwan, “putting them at risk for chronic diseases like diabetes and heart disease.”

From a basic taste standpoint, I do not like the taste of fruit. For as long as I can remember I have been repulsed by anything grown from a tree. However, this late in my life, I decided I needed to make a change and attempt to rejoin the fruit world.

I conducted an experiment in which I laid out four fruits that conveniently were provided by our lovely cafeteria staff here at Triton: a granny smith apple, honeydew melon, cantaloupe, and a grape. The granny smith came first.

Upon first indulgence, I was notified by my colleague that I had bitten the apple incorrectly, biting vertically instead of horizontally (pictured below).

“You can tell this was not bitten by an avid fruit consumer,” said junior fruit enjoyer Aiden Szymanski.

Next was honeydew. A green melon item that initially came across as tasty to me, rapidly changed. The aftertaste of the honeydew left me speechless, and not in a good way. While attempting to swallow, I was quoted as saying.

“That’s just not good, in my mouth.”

The third crop on my journey was the cantaloupe. My second melon of the day (and my life) was my toughest one yet. There was a significant struggle even getting me to put the cantaloupe in my mouth.

“I am actually sick to my stomach,” I gagged. “This smells like the inside of a pumpkin. [gagging] It actually reeks.”

The cantaloupe would prove itself to be my fiercest competitor, as the orange devil would put my body and psyche in such a state of disarray that I was not physically capable of even attempting the grape.

This experience has changed my outlook on fruit. I now understand why others enjoy fruit. The juices that I experienced in between gags were not half bad. I also now know that I am never trying that again. Fruit blows.