Mueller Now to Hunt Real Witches

Trump assigns Mueller to investigate the growing problem of witchcraft in America


Peter K. Levy on Flickr

Trump’s hair in a recent photo appears under the spell of a witch

With the “fake” witch hunt over, now the real witch hunt begins. That’s right: Mueller will now be hunting real witches.

“The witchcraft epidemic has reached great enough proportions to merit an investigation,” said Mueller last Wednesday.

Mueller, who investigated Trump and Russia, has been called to now investigate the growing problem of witchcraft in America. The Department of Defense recently revealed statistics showing witchcraft rising dramatically since the 2016 election. After receiving an anonymous tip about a growing, underground witch coven, Donald Trump decided it needed an investigation, and appointed Mueller.

“I thought, who better to get rid of the witches other than the best guy in the business,” Trump said.

Mueller will go to Salem to begin the investigation, despite Trump wanting him to investigate the Democrats first.

“I believe this real witch hunt will end a lot better than the last one, thank you Mueller,” Trump said. “Witches have been allowed to do terrible things to our country, casting spells to make fake news, working with the Democrats and Russia to undermine my administration, too long. It is a problem, it has to stop.”

Trump later expressed his frustrations on Twitter.

“Slimy Mueller is about to waste my time investigating Salem, instead of the obviously witch-infested, fake news, Russian-supported Democratic party #NotMyWitchHunt,” he tweeted. Contrary to his tweet, Trump called the investigation, which does make it his witch hunt.

Mueller has requested that if anyone has seen any strange behavior (dancing in the woods, performing spells, sharing liberal opinions etc,) to report it immediately, as such behavior is a clear indication of witchcraft.